Last September, my family lost someone we never thought we would have to say goodbye to so soon, my Dad.
The loss was unfathomable—so much so that it left us in this haze of numbness.
Losing my dad right before Christmas was incredibly tough, but I think that feeling of numbness was what got us through. We knew how important it was to come together, especially for the kids, no matter how much it hurt.
And we did it. Even though that Christmas is now mostly a blur, we got through.
This year feels harder in ways I was not expecting. Now that the shock of losing my dad has worn off, we’re left with the quiet, persistent ache of the grief that’s settled
into our everyday lives. We’ve had time to mourn, to try to piece our lives back together without him, but as Christmas gets closer, the pain of losing him feels as though it's fresh again. I’ve always heard people say that the holidays are the hardest for those who have suffered loss, and I never truly understood what they meant until now. The lights, the music, the traditions—everything feels different, incomplete.
Family is everything to me, and capturing moments with them feels just as important as making those memories. At family gatherings, I’m the one insisting on taking a group photo—no matter how we look or what we’re wearing. We all pile in, smile for the camera, and freeze that moment in time.
Lately, though, I stopped. After we lost my dad, the idea of taking a family photo felt so wrong. There was an emptiness—a missing piece in the puzzle of our
family, and I can't help but find myself thinking that taking one without him would somehow be leaving him behind.
This year, I’m trying to focus on the memories we have with my dad, to honor him in ways that feel right. But it’s hard, and I’m learning that’s okay too. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and the holidays, with all their sparkle and cheer, can carry a certain heaviness for those who are mourning and that some years, simply getting through is enough—and that’s perfectly okay.
Looking back at the photos we took when my dad was here, makes me feel so grateful we have those moments captured, and I realize now that it’s just as important to keep taking those photos even if it feels different.
Our family isn’t incomplete—it’s just changed. Years from now, we’ll cherish the photos we take today just as much as the ones from before.
Whether you're feeling the festive spirit or just getting through the season, I wish you all the best. Remember, our loved ones are never truly gone—they live on in our hearts and memories.
Wishing you peace and love this holiday season!
